Pride and Pressure: The Realness of Parenting

Photo credit: Jamaica Observer

By the time this reaches my status or Instagram, it would have been a few days since we went to an award ceremony for Kiarrah, a JN Scholar recipient.

This, as you know, would have sparked some excitement in our family. Yes, we knew about this weeks ago, but coming and sitting with the other recipients from across the island made it real and placed it in perspective.

While in the ceremony, amidst all the beaming faces and laughter, I couldn’t help but think: This is where parents feel that overwhelming sense of pride. Our children are making us proud, after all. But how many of us also feel that this is where we are judged as parents? We celebrate their success, but at the same time, there’s this unspoken weight—if they fail, it reflects back on us. It’s as if our parenting is constantly being assessed by the achievements (or perceived shortcomings) of our children.

For many parents, the pride comes with pressure. The joy of seeing your child succeed is unmatched, but there’s also an undercurrent of anxiety: Did we guide them enough? Are we doing the right things to ensure they continue on this path? And heaven forbid, what happens if they stumble?

Success, in many ways, has become a yardstick for not just our children, but for us as parents. When they excel, it feels like validation for all the sleepless nights, the sacrifices (shit, for me this means driving up and down across town, sleeping in my car waiting on kids) and yes, the constant worry. But when things go wrong, we don’t just fear for their future—we take it personally. It’s a reflection of our choices, our guidance, and our role in shaping their lives.

But here’s the thing—this pressure is often self-imposed. We get so caught up in society’s benchmarks of success that we forget that our children are individuals with their own paths, their own challenges, and their own learning curves. Their journey is theirs, and while we play a crucial role in it, we’re not the sole architects of their success or failure.

The other side of the coin, the side not many dare to mention is the pressure that comes from within our own families. Parents can feel the weight of expectation not only from external sources but also from each other. We’re often so focused on getting everything right the first time that even the smallest misstep can feel magnified. And when one parent expresses frustration or criticism, it can intensify the pressure to perform perfectly. We all know, even in two parents household, there’s a main parent who deals with education. This affects the primary parent because, instead of working as a united front, we sometimes feel like we’re being graded by the other, which can turn parenting into an exhausting competition rather than a shared experience.

In moments like this award ceremony, we should focus on the joy. The smiles, the pride, the excitement that our children feel in their accomplishments. And more importantly, we should remember that success isn’t just about trophies or titles. It’s about raising children who are kind, resilient, and determined—children who learn from their failures as much as they do from their successes.

As parents, we need to learn to separate our worth from our children’s achievements. Yes, we guide them, and yes, we cheer them on. But ultimately, their journey is their own. Our job is to support them (I practice scaffolding) not measure ourselves by their outcomes.

So, to all the parents watching their children shine—take pride in your role, but also give yourself grace. Success and failure are part of the process, for them and for us. After all, the real victory isn’t in an award or scholarship—it’s in raising a child who is confident enough to chase their dreams, stumble, get up, and keep going.

Best,

N